You have to enter their world to help guide them into yours.

On Friday, I realized I had 11 days left until my quarter of a lifetime breakdown and I immediately became depressed in anticipation for my depressing breakdown! Turning 25 wasn't a big deal at all, but on March 17, I will turn 26. 26. I haven't graduated yet, I haven't written a book, I'm not a sign language interpreter, I'm not an Institute teacher, and I haven't started my Special Ed Living and Loving Life clinic (details will come later).......all my goals and NONE accomplished. So I am officially at the beginning of a horrible quarter life meltdown. People at work told me it was no big deal because lots of worse things happen in life and 26 is still young. I'm sure they were trying to make me feel better but I wasn't comforted at all, so I took a break and bought some Oreos. Those were definitely comforting!! The point of me telling this sad, pathetic story is that on Saturday, my new purpose in life was discovered. It's not a goal in life because as you can tell from my list, I never actually accomplish my goals, but I now have something to look forward to and a little excitement in being old!

Everyone has heard of a horse whisperer, and some may have seen the movie back in 1998. (Don't start to worry that I'll become one because I still hate animals and have no plans to become a pet trainer). A horse whisperer is a horse trainer who adopts a sympathetic view of the motives, needs, and desires of the horse, based on natural horsemanship and modern psychology. The term goes back to the early nineteenth century when an Irish horseman made a name for himself in England by rehabilitating horses that had become vicious and intractable, due to abuse or accidental trauma. People who managed to observe the horse whisperer noticed that he would stand face to face with the troubled horse. They seemed to think that he must be saying something to the horse in a way the horse could understand and accept because the horses were quickly gentled by his mysterious techniques. A whisperer then calms the horses by whispering in their ears and caressing them with extraordinary effect.

Because I have no interest in animals, I won't ever seek out a hobby that involves them, but a horse whisperer gives the most appropriate example of my new calling in life. I, Carrie Leigh Christensen, am going to be an Autistic Answerer!!!! Autism is a brain disorder where some children never learn to talk at all. I work with an Autistic child who is is severely limited because he is unable to communicate or interact with others. When he needs something, he has different ways of telling me by using physical actions. For example, if he gets scared he'll put his foot on top of mine and then I know he wants a hug. If he starts to sway back and forth in his chair, it's because he has to go to the bathroom. If he's hungry, he'll use his hands to sign MORE to me because of the sign language words I've had to teach him. It's funny because if he's excited to do an activity, he'll start slapping his neck and laughing hysterically, but the cutest thing he does to me (besides playing footsies to get a hug!) is that when I start laughing, he'll start sniffing my shoulder!! It sounds weird, but when someone's telling a joke other people usually laugh, right? Well, autistic children have trouble understanding humor and irony, so if I'm laughing at my joke or laughing at the computer game, he doesn't understand why I'm laughing but he wants to be a part of it, so he'll sniff my shoulder!!!! Cute, huh? Maybe you have to be there....... =)

By not being able to talk or communicate in other ways, self-inflicted injuries are by far the most frightening aspect of having a child with autism. Autistic children sometimes bite themselves repeatedly or violently bang their heads against a wall whenever they feel stress or anxiety, because they have no way of telling you what's wrong or why they're upset. On Saturday I was with my Autistic boy and when I had first come to his house, I could hear him moaning and groaning and mumbling. When he came into the room, I knew something was wrong, but of course when I asked him he had no way of answering me. We sat down at the table to start our social skills lesson and his face scrunched up and he started whining and whimpering. I put my arm around him and asked him what was wrong, and that's when he started crying. Tears were streaming down his face and he was so helpless in telling me what was wrong, that I started crying too. So there we sat crying, while he kept whimpering and suffering in silence, with me not having any idea of what was wrong. He had never cried to me before so I decided to get him a snack, and a drink, and his toy, to see if he wanted those, even though he hadn't let me know like he normally does. He cried for another 20 minutes and after he had stopped I tried to start the lesson, but he laid his cheek against the table and I knew we weren't going to get anywhere. I took out his favorite puzzle and we worked on that until he took the pillow and started pacing the living room. I knew we were done but I sat there and watched him, aching to know what he wanted, and that's when my quarter life depression ended and I knew what I needed to do. I am going to be an Autistic Answerer and I am going to figure out what these severely Autistic children need when they have no way of asking for it or telling someone. When they scream, I'll answer because I'll know what they want. When they cry, I'll answer with whatever they're struggling with. When they laugh, I'll answer by loving them. I will be the one who knows what they need when no one else can tell- I will become the horse whisperer who can tame a wild and scared horse by looking at them face to face and calming them. Of course this will mean decades more of school because I'll have to get a Master's Degree, and a PhD within the Autistic spectrum, and I'll have to work under Autistic professionals, but HERE I COME!